The Production

Written in one sitting, can you believe that? Pretty unbelievable isn’t it? I knew you wouldn’t believe it.

This short video was created as part of my portfolio for submission into the Creative Arts program at Flinders University. Don’t tell anyone, but it’s actually the first video I made. The script I wrote myself but the story was co-written with Brad Cameron. I can’t speak for his inspirations, but for me it was pretty much all David Lynch and Mark Frost’s short-lived TV show “On the Air”. Track that show down, watch it, and then wonder why the hell you took the advice of some lunatic on a website.

Thanks to my brilliant archiving skills, I don’t know where the original files got to. The video was (probably) put together in Adobe Premiere, and the ‘visual effects’ were done in Adobe Photoshop. Originally my plan was to go through frame by frame, cutting out each of the people and treating them differently to the background, providing a much greater contrast between the two fields. About 2-300 frames out of around 6000 in, I realised the immense insanity of my plan, toned down the effects, and let Photoshop run a batch process. Then I recombined all the frames back in Premiere, and voila, the video was done. Somewhere in there I did something to do with deinterlacing, which is why the picture gets jumpy in places.

It was an artistic choice. Yeah, that’s it.

Sound was horrible on the day, with planes flying overhead, and wind whipping around us (we were in an old quarry). I didn’t care so much, since I didn’t have a mic, and I figured the camera was too far away to capture much mouth detail, we could just dub it over later. And you can tell. When it came time to record the dialogue later, I discovered that my recording setup was pure shit. Not surprising though. A Dick Smiths mic running into my semi-broken Gametheater XP box, recording on Adobe Audition (or it was probably still CoolEdit then). After around 15 seconds of recording, everything would turn to static. Every damn time.

I hate sound, and 3 years later my opinions haven’t changed. It is a pain. People who are good at it have my utmost respect.

So I goofed up in the break, and used a take recorded after some jackass (me) had bumped the camera. I don’t think anyone cares. Clearly someone liked the video, since I got into Creative Arts.

The Players

Brad Cameron and Jeff Malone star as the Sane Man and the Executive respectively. I went to high school with those two. Brad’s now in Japan, and Jeff is the manager of an EB outlet. I won’t say which one. Just keep walking into stores around SA and talk about “emphasising the synergy”.

Kat Sabadasz played the Femme, who is based on nobody at all. She’s now Kat Malone, and if I had a photos section on this site you’d probably be able to see the photos from her and Jeff’s wedding. I could make up some story here about how they met on set and the rest is history, but that would be fucking nonsense.

In the script there was a fourth character, the Mother. She would have been pushing the perambulator with the desk fan in it. I forget whether she had any lines or not. Anyway, we couldn’t find anyone to play it, so instead Jeff and Brad took the fan, a golf cart, and a whole lot of leftover fishing wire and created the Perambulator. I liked it.

Also stills on the day were taken by a fellow named Nathan, who bears more than a passing resemblance to Jesus Christ (aside from … you know … being white). I’ve never seen them though, which is probably for the best since I was in at least one of them.

A short film I wrote and edited sound for.

So the NSW Minister for Police, Tony Kelly, has decided that MMOs are illegal in Australia. I put forward that the reason Mr. Kelly is so insistent on demonising games such as Warhammer Online or World of Warcraft is that he was recently busted having cyber sex with a Night Elf chick who turned out to be a dude. It’s the only scenario that makes any sense.

Actually there could be a couple of things going on here. The NSW MfP’s argument is that since these games don’t carry any classification, selling them is illegal. I looked it up in the OFLC database, and these games are indeed unclassified. The relevant industry association contends that since the games have no single-player component, classification is not required. These are the basic facts of the situation, and they’re undisputed.

The argument for not classifying these games (which I agree with) is that since all online interactions depend upon the unpredictable behaviour of other players, classifying a game based upon all possible activities in the game would be unfeasible. At the very least, all games which included unrestricted text chat could be held liable for the behaviour of filthy government ministers and their disgusting elf fetish. The model the ESRB in the US follows is that while the scripted, single-player components of games are rated, online interactions are not, for the mentioned reasons.

An optimistic assessment of this fiasco is that by calling for retailers to be reported for selling these items, the NSW Minister for Police is doing a sensible thing, essentially calling for reform of federal classification laws. This reform is desperately needed. Much as I’d like to think highly of our leaders (well not specifically my leaders - I’m a South Australian and this asshole is in New South Wales), I don’t find this plausible.

MMOs have been on sale in this country for a very long time now. Warcraft, the biggest game of the genre, went on sale here in late 2004. Warhammer Online went on sale late 2008, and that game runs servers in this country. I don’t think EA (or their local surrogates) would invest in that infrastructure without checking to see whether they were entering into a criminal enterprise.

No, what I think is going on here is misguided moralism. Game retailers are not breaking the law, and I expect any pending lawsuits to prove this. Well unless we get similarly misguided moralists as judges in those cases. So I guess we’re fucked. What I see going on here is the same reactionary nonsense that went on 30 years ago over Dungeons & Dragons. Misguided moralists pissed off not by a minor legal quibble, but by the general content of these games and the continued misconception that - like cartoons and comic books - “games are for kids”.

The Dishonourable, Unqualified Stephen Conroy in a posting on a government website, which I refuse to call a blog you right-wing twit:

The Government understands that ISP-level filtering is not a ‘silver bullet’. We have always viewed ISP-level filtering as one part of a broader government initiative for protecting our children online.

Emphasis mine. The point keeps getting raised by those in favour of the proposed censorship of the Internet that it will “protect the children”. Under this guise, (probably) well-meaning groups who actually are concerned over child welfare are dragged in to support the scheme. They don’t understand the details of the problem beyond “There’s kiddie porn out there!” and they do not understand the supposed solution to the problem being discussed here, so all they are is clueless mouthpieces for the government. They let themselves down, and they let down the people they’re trying to protect.

The proposed filter does not protect children, and the government knows it. They’ve known since February. It is $44 million spent to shore up Labor’s votes in the next election.

Besides the over-reaching ignorance on display here, the truly infuriating thing about the flawed argument being put forth is that it (deliberately, of course) lumps opponents of the scheme in with advocates of child pornography. It’s the classic ploy of an asshole: “You don’t…. hate children… do you?” Stephen Conroy, if it weren’t already clear, is an asshole. He is trading on deliberate falsehoods and manipulation. These are perhaps his only qualifications for being our federal Communications Minister. It seems to be a tradition to have the most clueless twits elected to be appointed to that office.

Since our esteemed asshole of a minister seems so fond of weaselly words, lets see where this can go. Let us assume that this isn’t just a cynical ploy to grab the votes of uneducated, paranoid parents around the country. Let us assume that the scheme will actually protect children. No more will any child (or adult) in this country have to worry about seeing material the government finds “objectionable”. Huzzah. Glory day.

Except someone somewhere is seeing this content. Someone has to maintain the secret blacklist. Presumably the final authority on this blacklist will be the Communications minister. I think it all becomes clear here. It isn’t that the Communications Minister is against the proliferation of child pornography in Australia (on the Internet). It’s that he wants it all for himself.

Stephen Conroy loves kiddie porn. The evidence is clear. There is no other logical excuse for his plan. After all, if he actually hated the stuff he’d be doing something constructive, instead of instituting the greatest abridgment of free speech in Australia’s history.

via.